What sexual harassment and violence looks like in the life of a female
Updated: Sep 18
The recent events surrounding Sarah Everard’s murder, at the hands of police officer Wayne Couzens, have hit everyone hard. Whilst I do not want to take away from her case and the mourning of Sarah, the events have shed a light on the fact that this was not an isolated matter.
The actions of certain men and the consequences they have had have been brought to the forefront of our minds in the last couple of weeks.
A report from the Office for National Statistics has shown that one in four women in England and Wales experienced sexual assault from the age of 16.
Violence and harassment towards women have become a part of our lives, whether you have been directly affected or are constantly alert and afraid of the possibility of it happening to you.
We know it exists, but what does sexual harassment and violence look like in everyday life?
Below, I have not just written about experiences that are too familiar for most women, but also included the stories of particular women, shared in the media over the last year. After reading these articles, I find it hard to believe that anyone could try to invalidate this harsh reality.
Public Transport
A man sitting next to you on a bus full of empty seats. A camera being slid under your skirt when you are standing on the tube. Being groped on a busy train platform.
I have never been able to shake off that uncomfortable feeling of being on public transport and feeling the eyes of a man staring at me. Thoughts racing about what could happen as I remember the stories of what has happened to the girls and women before me.
You’d hope that getting a taxi or an Uber would be a safer option, but you would be wrong.
The driver asking you about your personal life, whether you have a boyfriend, and your worries about whether the doors are locked when he takes a different route. It can be uncomfortable and damn right frightening.
Walking on the street
Day or night, I can’t count how many times I have had to speed up, take a different route, or look over my shoulder every 30 seconds whilst walking alone.
My friends and I have talked about how, from the age of 12, we have been catcalled, had a car honk at us as they drove past, or had crude comments shouted at us. One of my friends shared an occasion when a man filmed her from his van as she was walking to school at 15 years old, prompting her to run the rest of the way.
We are reminded of these experiences, along with those of women who have spoken out about assault, every time we walk alone.
Nights out
The ability to enjoy a night out with my friends has been affected too many times by the actions of men.
The older men who appear to only be there to prey on young girls and harass me and my friends, even after we tell them to go away.
Even those who you know can take advantage and push boundaries they aren't aware - or choose to ignore - exist: standing by a girl's side the whole night, feeding her drinks, dancing too close, pushing for a kiss, or touching them unsolicitedly.
Often, the girls and women experiencing this will brush it off, but they remain conscious of the amount they drink and where they go alone, as a result of that feeling of safety being jeopardized. Not to mention the disturbing possibility of being spiked and having to make sure your drink is in sight at all times.
In the workplace
Sexual harassment and violence don’t just happen amongst strangers in a bar; far too often, it comes from colleagues and customers.
I have heard horrible and uncomfortable comments that my friends have received from men that they worked with. Firstly, any sexual comments at work are inappropriate, to say the least, but to someone who is clearly uncomfortable following re-occurring remarks or "jokes"? This is sexual harassment.
What makes this worse is that many girls - including me - experience this whilst underage, despite making this fact very clear.
Authoritative figures
And it doesn’t stop there. We have been taught to trust authoritative figures, yet, in some cases, they have been proven to be just as involved in sexual harassment and violence as any other man.
From teachers to police to paramedics. We have seen and heard terrifying cases for all of them.
My question is, why do we as women have to change the way we act and dress, or avoid places and situations, because too many men mistreat women? This shouldn’t be an accepted part of a woman’s life.
Of course, we cannot label all men the same, but too many have been responsible for one or more of the examples I have spoken about.
Whether you are the one doing the harassing or assault, or you know what’s being done by others, and turn a blind eye. Both are guilty.
Something needs to change.
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